Simpler Mothering

At the beginning of last year, I made Gracie cry.

Not just "I made her cry" in the way that is typical of the parent/child relationship. She wasn't crying because she'd gotten a "no" answer or because she was feeling put out or because she was having a tantrum. It was not because of any situation. She was crying because of me. Because of the way I'd treated her. She was laying with her head on me, tears running sideways down her face and into her hair, her little heart broken.

I'd been yelling. I had a 2-month-old Juliette, who was lovely but who still liked to eat at night (when I typically like to, you know, sleep...). I was still recovering from pregnancy/childbirth/insane hormones. Charlie was still a little too young to do preschool, and he was having a lot of trouble adjusting to his role shift in the sibling/parent line-up. A lot. And Gracie was in kindergarten, filled with bon vivant and energy, and no matter how many times I said something, no matter how simple the request or question might be, no one seemed to listen to me.

So it escalated.

I don't know when I started yelling. I can't remember. But I know that it quickly grew from a once-in-a-while occurrence to a daily (multiple times a day, I'm sure) habit. And after a while the kids grew used to it, so I had to get louder and scarier and more intense to get their attention. And that was terrible.

And then I broke Gracie's heart.

I apologized, of course. I went into my room alone and cried, and let my heart break, too. I was ashamed and terrified. Because I didn't want to yell... But I didn't know how to get them to listen if I didn't.

And then, because Heavenly Father loves me, I happened upon a podcast on Power of Moms (great great great Mom website! Check out the podcasts) with Amy McCready called How to Get Kids to Listen.

She made a lot of sense, so I did some more reading. She has a huge online parent-training program, which I'm sure is amazing, but it was also expensive! So I looked into a quiet little book she'd written a few years back, called "If I Have to Tell You One More Time...". Which I had literally just said to one of my kids. I ordered it used from Amazon and dove in.

It made so much sense!!!!

It spoke to the type of parent I wanted to be, and to the specific problems I was having with each of my kids (which have alway been very different problems). And gave me not just solutions, but a system. Something reliable to build our little family systems on. So that I was no longer flailing around when someone was going wild, trying to make up a consequence on the spot or force them bodily to put their shoes on...

I wish I could summarize it for you right this minute, but I'll write about a couple of my favorite parts of the book another time. But for now, read through this article about Why Kids Really Misbehave (her insights are so enlightening) or check out one of her free webinars. (There will be a little sales pitch for the online parent training at the end, but I really think the book is totally sufficient if you're pleased with the ideas in the webinar. That book is a gem.)

For now, suffice it to say that the things I learned in my study of this book laid a groundwork that has simplified soooooo much of my life as a parent.

And I don't remember the last time I yelled at one of my kids. <3 div="">