the words I couldn't hear.

I try to listen for God's voice in my life. But sometimes it is very hard. When I am very upset, or worried, or tired. When my depression gets intense. When, on occasion, I am too afraid of the answer to ask the question. He is patient with me.

Today in a parking lot as I crossed to retrieve Charlie from his side of the car, I said aloud, to our Heavenly Father, "I need something today." That was all I said, because I just needed something, to let me know He hadn't forgotten me today. I knew He knew what I meant. And then I unbuckled Charlie from his carseat and kissed his round cheeks that still smell baby-delicious even though he is almost two, and tickled his belly until he laughed, and wondered when the something would come. I thought maybe at the store, but no.

My heart sat heavy in my chest most of the day. I have felt a little off kilter, and Steve and I have been apart for so long--a month now, with a ten day visit in the middle. He was supposed to get in this morning but didn't. And I was just pushing to get through one more day without him to hold me and make me brave the way he does so well. He gets home in a couple hours. :)

The kids were very sweet all day. In the morning, Charlie kept running into my room as I tidied up to hug me and tell me, "Yuv you! Mama!" and then back out exclaiming, "Watch! Duck Tales!" Gracie gave me the biggest hug after preschool. I enjoyed so much about them today. After naps I sat down on the rug in the family room and worked on a project and we watched TV together. Charlie kept walking over and plopping himself in my lap to be snuggled. That is one of my favorite things. Yesterday they both sat with me on the couch after dinner and cuddled me. I love them.

We went to dinner at Firehouse for a treat, and they were happy and lovely and fun at bedtime, with more snuggles and rapt attention (for Charlie) and curious questions (for Gracie) during story time. And I put them to bed, kissed their sweet foreheads, and sat down to look at all the websites I'd left open to peruse, my request to my Father forgotten. Then, almost an hour of Words with Friends and blog browsing later, my eyes flitted across these words, and my heart leapt up and said, There it is! There is the something.

Have courage for the great sorrows of life and patience for the small ones;

and when you have laboriously accomplished your daily task,

go to sleep in peace.

God is awake.

-Victor Hugo