Picking Something to Ponder in my Heart

I've been excited for this weekend all week, anticipating the semi-annual General Conference of our church.

While usually we meet at local buildings and are taught by local leadership (and each other), twice a year, in April and October, we have the chance to hear from the leadership of our (Mormon) church, including the prophet Thomas S. Monson. (Yep, Mormons believe in a modern day prophet. Don't freak out--just ask me your questions. ;) )

This Conference was full of inspiration, guidance, and encouragement, but parts of it were bittersweet, too. It left my heart feeling particularly tender. But while I'm still processing and pondering many of the things that touched me today, there is one clear and simple idea I've already chosen to put into action.

Devin G. Durrant shared a challenge today that struck me as simple but effective. He suggested we ponder + memorize ("ponderize" is what he called it) one verse of scripture each week, so that slowly, over time, we'd have an arsenal of scriptures tucked away in our hearts to provide us with courage, strength, and comfort.

I like the idea of small and simple things adding up to something greater, and this seems like such a nice place to start. So I chose a scripture from the Book of Mormon (ask me your questions about this, too, if you want) with a message that speaks to my challenges right now, and threw together a quick wallpaper for my computer, phone, and iPad using Canva.

We all need to be reminded that the hard stuff has a purpose, don't we?

So this just seemed like a nice place to start.

What's the deal with the Mormons, anyway?

I get mixed responses when people find out I'm Mormon.

Some are excited: they knew a Mormon in high school or have a BFF who is Mormon, or their brother almost converted one time, or they had a neighbor whose mom used to make casseroles whenever anyone in a 3 mile radius got sick. (FYI: casserole-making is not a required Mormon skill. But it can be quite delicious.)

Some are visibly dismayed. (That's always so uncomfortable; sometimes I have to go home and talk to Steve about it and how sad/hurt/discouraged it makes me feel.)

But most people are just normal about it, and that's cool with me, too. Religion is incredibly personal--maybe the most personal thing there is--and I've never been one to push it on people who don't want to hear about it.

That said, I know a lot of people are curious--the missionaries, the beautiful but not-open-to-the-public temples, the fact that we abstain from drinking alcohol and even coffee...! It's different. So I thought it might be nice to share some of the basics, and open this up for conversation a little bit. If you have questions, I would LOVE to answer them for you, so feel free to leave a comment (anonymous is fine), write an email, or message me on facebook. I will do my best to answer anything I can for you, and if I don't know the answer I will try to find someone who does. :)

So, first things first:

Are Mormons even Christian? Do you accept Jesus Christ as your Savior???

Yes! The proper name of our church is The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (which does not imply sainthood in the Catholic sense, but just that we are followers of Christ).

We believe in God, our Eternal and loving Father in Heaven, and in his son, Jesus Christ, and in the Holy Ghost. We also believe they are three separate beings, but with one common purpose. I cannot even begin to describe in one paragraph what my relationship with my Father in Heaven means to me, but I would be more than happy to share some experiences with you if you are curious as to how this affects my life.

And yes, we most definitely accept Jesus Christ as our Savior. Without him, there would be no way for us to bridge the gap between our imperfection and the opportunity of returning, perfected, to our Father in Heaven. There would be no way for us to move forward. His great love for us in performing the atonement is humbling and amazing and wonderful to me. What greater gift could there ever be?

Do you believe in/read the Bible?

Yes again! We use the King James translation of the Bible, which we believe is the most correct (a.k.a. closest to its meaning as originally written) translation.

We believe that the Bible is a critical and crucial book of scripture for understanding the life and doctrine of Jesus Christ, and all the many works, trials, tribulations, and miracles that came to pass on the earth from the beginning of creation. We read and discuss the bible regularly, and treasure it greatly. I particularly loved reading the stories of Christ's birth as we recently celebrated the Christmas season. Those are such beautiful, awe inspiring chapters.

If you believe the Bible is holy scripture, why do you have another book (The Book of Mormon)? What IS the Book of Mormon?

The Book of Mormon (the source of the nickname "Mormons") is intended to add to--not take away from, correct, argue with, or in any way devalue--the Bible. If you've ever seen a copy, you may have noticed the subtext, just below the title, which reads Another Testament of Jesus Christ.

We believe the Book of Mormon to be a translation of records kept by the inhabitants of the Americas before and around the coming of Christ. It is actually a pretty fascinating book--I'd be more than happy to send you a copy. You can also check it out right now online (read here or listen here) to see what it's like. (And, of course, there's even an app for that.)

Who is Mormon? Is he a deity? Do you worship him?

Mormon was one of the prophets and followers of Christ who wrote in the Book of Mormon. We do not deify or worship him, or anyone else in the scriptures save our Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ.

Do all Mormons believe the same things?

As in any faith, everyone has their own unique perspectives about many things, but the doctrine and teachings of our church are exactly the same everywhere on earth. You can walk into any church meetinghouse on Sunday, anywhere in the world, and they will all be teaching the exact same doctrine. This has been a wonderful gift to us as we have moved and moved and moved again during our 8 years of marriage--and always found that the church and the gospel were the same no matter where we were.

If you'd like a basic overview of the tenets the LDS faith is based on, read the (VERY SHORT!) 13 Articles of Faith. I promise, they are really short and to the point, and they'll give you a great picture of the foundations of the LDS gospel doctrine.

So... you have a prophet? What is his purpose in the church? Do you worship him?

We do have a living prophet. I know it might be strange to hear something like that off-hand, but bear with me and I will do my best to explain. You are, of course, welcome to ask me more questions if you have them.

Our current prophet is Thomas S. Monson. His purpose--in conjunction with a council of 12 other apostles who were called of God, and many, many others who serve on more local levels--is the same as that of prophets for hundreds and thousands of years: to give us revelation from God to guide us toward happiness here and now, and in the life after this world. He also serves as "president" of the church organization. Twice a year he and his counselors speak to a worldwide audience over the internet, cable TV, radio, and (later) in print, in a church-wide meeting (open to anyone) called General Conference. The next one is in April. We do not worship him. But we like and trust him. :) If you're interested in finding out what Thomas S. Monson is all about, you can see/hear/read a number of his General Conference addresses here.

The first prophet in this dispensation was Joseph Smith, who founded the church under the direction of the Lord in the 1800's. He did not decide to go out and start a church--he actually only knelt in prayer to ask which of the existing churches near his home he should attend. He was complex and imperfect, as we all are, but he was a strong good-hearted man who strove to perform every task Heavenly Father asked of him, even as he and his fellow church members experienced incredible violence and rejection from the surrounding community. You can read a short overview of his life story here. While we are incredibly grateful for his many sacrifices--including that of his own life as he was eventually martyred--and his commitment to helping further Christ's work on earth, we do not worship or deify Joseph Smith.

While I have made many poor decisions (and seen their not-so-great outcomes) under my own guidance in the course of my lifetime, I have always seen good and wonderful things come when I choose to follow the counsel of God given to us by the prophet.

Do you dislike/condemn/hate people who don't believe the same things you do?

No. We believe that God is a loving God, and that we are all his spirit children, sent to earth to learn and grow, to make choices and to be tested. We also believe that His greatest purpose and goal is to have as many of us as possible gain eternal life with Him. He loves us ALL and wants us ALL to be with Him. So, with that view and doctrine, we strive to love and befriend our fellow man, no matter what they believe.

At the foundation of the church in the early 1800's, the prophet Joseph Smith, was asked to lay out the basics our belief system, which he did in a brief 13-point statement called the "Articles of Faith." The eleventh article of faith addresses this question directly (emphasis added):

We claim the privilege of worshiping Almighty God, according to the dictates of our own conscience, and allow all men the same privilege, let them worship how, where or what they may.

We try very hard to be loving, kind, and respectful always, and, at least in my home, we don't pick and choose our friends based on whether or not they frequent Starbucks. ;) I think what draws us to the people we love most is who they are--the sense of common experiences, common goals, and common values, which are NOT exclusive to our church community. For example:

My best friend from middle school (who was also my lovely maid of honor) is Muslim, and she is one of the best, strongest people I know. Her faith inspires me. We have spoken many times about our love of God and how He has helped us through difficult times. I know when I talk to her that we are talking about--and know the love of--the same God. Steve and I also both have friends who are atheist or agnostic, and tons of friends whose lives and faith systems are different from our own in other ways. We love, respect, admire, connect with, and enjoy spending time with all these wonderful people. The differences between us are small compared to the vastness of our commonalities in the human experience, and we are grateful that they accept us into their lives as well.

We have joy in our lives, and we share our faith not to wrangle you unwillingly into sitting with us in church (though we are fun to sit by, if you ask me) but rather because we want the people we love to feel the love, protection, empowerment, and joy that we are blessed with as we seek to be followers of Christ.

Wait... are you sure you aren't all just hanging out judging everyone? Because I heard you guys were a bunch of haters...

Yeah, I'm sure we're not hanging out trying to judge everyone. You might know a hater or two, but for the most part we're a friendly, good-natured bunch--some people think we're too good natured, what with the Jello and the casseroles and all ;)--who are just trying our best to be good to the people around us. We as humans can be judgey, but one of the things we're taught at church is to strive to focus on fixing the proverbial "beams" in our own eyes instead of the "motes" in everyone else's. Not throwing stones in glass houses. Basically just leaving the judgment up to God, since He is the only one who can know a person's heart anyway.

Also, at the beginning of the organization of the LDS church, the Mormons were chased out of towns, had their houses burned down, and some, like Joseph Smith, were even killed for their beliefs. This is a painful part of our history, but also a reminder that we don't want to emulate that kind of treatment--on any scale--towards anyone else. (Hence that eleventh article of faith I mentioned earlier.) If you've had a bad experience with a member of my faith, I hope you'll meet someone who better exemplifies what we strive to be. (Which is, at a basic level, just nice.)

You haven't answered my burning question yet and now I'm frustrated.
> : | (that's an angry face)

Sorry--my kids just got up from their naps. (I know, I'm such a mom, right?) But if you have anything else you'd like to hear about from my perspective, please leave a comment, write me a note, shoot off an email or message me on facebook.

And in the meantime you can check out Mormon.org--you might find some more answers there. :)

on being robbed and kind strangers.

Our car got broken into last week. We noticed it when we climbed into the car to go to church. It was a weird feeling.

I wasn't mad or anything. We lost a GPS, a couple random cords/power outlet things we use to charge phones or iPods in the our car, and the large envelope with a Christmas gift I was going to send to my sister-in-law, who will miss family Christmas this year because she is serving a mission for our church in Portugal. I was the saddest to lose the gift envelope, which held a journal I'd worked on for several weeks, and a little gift that Gracie had made herself. That kind of hurt my heart, to think of Gracie's little present being discarded. The rest of it didn't bother me--it's just money, you know? We can buy anything else back. We can't buy that little Christmas tree doorknob hanger back. But she can make a new one, and that is a gift, too, I guess.

The thing that I keep coming back to, is that I can't understand the mentality of someone who would just take something like that from someone else. I mean, I know they weren't thinking "Oh this is some poor lonely missionary's Christmas gift." They were just thinking there was probably something good to sell inside that envelope. The quote I inked in on the first page of the joirnal tucked inside it is from Matthew 10: 29-31:

29. Are not two sparrows sold for a farthing? and one of them shall not fall on the ground without your Father.

30.  But the very hairs of your head are all numbered.

31. Fear ye not, therefore. Ye are of more value than many sparrows. 

I kind of hoped that whoever stole it read that. I think it would be nice, if you were that sad and desperate, to be reminded that no matter the state of your life, you are God's child.

You are of more value than many sparrows.

Since I can't have it, and Jess can't have it, I hope that somehow it did some good.

So that was that. But it wasn't the thing I will remember about these past two weeks.

One morning a couple weeks ago we woke up to ROAD CLOSED signs and huge construction equipment (Charlie calls them "big trucks") pulling asphalt off our street. For the past several days men have been all over our blocked-off road, digging holes, laying new pipes and huge sewer things (no idea what they are), drilling, digging, filling, and making a lot of noise.

They have been so nice.

They could very well have shut down our road and made us park on side streets, but instead they have been incredibly helpful. I've had them come to my door and ask if I'd like to move my car before it got blocked in the driveway. I've had them stop their huge machinery and move it out of the way so I could pick up my little girl from preschool, or get out of their equipment to help me back out of the driveway without hitting the ditches in the road. They've filled in spots in front of each driveway on the street so we can all get in and out. They will pause to wave and honk their horns at Charlie as he stands on the porch in awe at how they "dig" or "play in the street" with their "big trucks." And on Saturday when they brought out a huge hose to clean all the dirt off the street, they washed our car. I almost cried. It was just so incredibly thoughtful.

It has been inconvenient to walk two houses down to get into our car and to have noise and craziness and muddy shoes, but I will be really sad to see these construction workers and their "big trucks" go. Here they are working until after dark in the cold and sometimes in the rain, and yet they are constantly aware of the people in the warm houses around them and what might make our lives a little easier. They get it, and I am so thankful for them.

Merry Christmas.

the words I couldn't hear.

I try to listen for God's voice in my life. But sometimes it is very hard. When I am very upset, or worried, or tired. When my depression gets intense. When, on occasion, I am too afraid of the answer to ask the question. He is patient with me.

Today in a parking lot as I crossed to retrieve Charlie from his side of the car, I said aloud, to our Heavenly Father, "I need something today." That was all I said, because I just needed something, to let me know He hadn't forgotten me today. I knew He knew what I meant. And then I unbuckled Charlie from his carseat and kissed his round cheeks that still smell baby-delicious even though he is almost two, and tickled his belly until he laughed, and wondered when the something would come. I thought maybe at the store, but no.

My heart sat heavy in my chest most of the day. I have felt a little off kilter, and Steve and I have been apart for so long--a month now, with a ten day visit in the middle. He was supposed to get in this morning but didn't. And I was just pushing to get through one more day without him to hold me and make me brave the way he does so well. He gets home in a couple hours. :)

The kids were very sweet all day. In the morning, Charlie kept running into my room as I tidied up to hug me and tell me, "Yuv you! Mama!" and then back out exclaiming, "Watch! Duck Tales!" Gracie gave me the biggest hug after preschool. I enjoyed so much about them today. After naps I sat down on the rug in the family room and worked on a project and we watched TV together. Charlie kept walking over and plopping himself in my lap to be snuggled. That is one of my favorite things. Yesterday they both sat with me on the couch after dinner and cuddled me. I love them.

We went to dinner at Firehouse for a treat, and they were happy and lovely and fun at bedtime, with more snuggles and rapt attention (for Charlie) and curious questions (for Gracie) during story time. And I put them to bed, kissed their sweet foreheads, and sat down to look at all the websites I'd left open to peruse, my request to my Father forgotten. Then, almost an hour of Words with Friends and blog browsing later, my eyes flitted across these words, and my heart leapt up and said, There it is! There is the something.

Have courage for the great sorrows of life and patience for the small ones;

and when you have laboriously accomplished your daily task,

go to sleep in peace.

God is awake.

-Victor Hugo