The Long Road to Simpler

I'm kind of a self-help junkie.

In a good way, I think. In the way that means that I see something I don't like and then look for ways to fix it. But also in the way that I pass casually through the non-fiction section of the Southside Library and leave with so many books that I have to hold the stack (which starts at waist-level) under my chin to keep it steady and a very kind teenager holds the door for me and then I let the whole thing topple in the parking lot as I try to finagle my keys from my pocket. In the way that halfway through the year Steve glanced over at me as I read yet another parenting book and asked, "Are you ever going to read anything fun again?"

The thing is, I love to learn. I've got a knack for study. So when I realized at some point that my current curriculum could be totally self-defined and tailored to the exact needs of my life (instead of a public school's benchmarking needs or a university's GE requirements) I just got crazy, nerdily, bookishly, passionately excited about that idea. I don't have to sit idly by as life happens to me. I can learn and grow and forge a life I feel exhilarated to wake up to every morning. And that is why, when 2014 was already halfway over, I changed this year's one little word to "simplify."

The thing about simplifying your life on a large scale is that it is not simple. It requires huge amounts of effort, restructuring, researching, rethinking, and most of all, the thing that gives me perhaps the most anxiety/dread/heebie jeebies (and often triggers my depression to come out to play): massive amounts of CHANGE.

What I've noticed so far, though, is that this change (these many, many changes) is/are the good kind of hard work. The kind that makes your mind feel lighter and your body pleasantly tired by bedtime--like running for a good long time and then enjoying the ache in your muscles. Because it means accomplishment. It means moving forward. It means you are doing something, and not just standing still.

I'm going to talk more about this later. But right now, I need to round up some children and go pick up my big girl from school. :)