one little word: 2013

I love choosing my word each year. I worry about it a little. (But that's normal--Steve will tell you that I worry about almost everything at least a little.) But to me it is sort of like naming a child: I need to get it right, because I'm going to stick with it!

Last year's word was l i g h t. I wanted to:

1. Find the light spot, the sweetness and loveliness in each day,
2. Show my children the light of their souls,
3. Learn to see and appreciate my own light, and
4. Take things more lightly (when appropriate, obvs.)

Was it a roaring, glittering, Gatsby-party success? No. But I've learned in four years of doing this, that the point is not to jump into a new self, but to let this thought work in me over the course of the year, simmer and stretch until I am a little transformed. Just a little. And I am. Most days, I like myself. I don't know that I could ever really say that before. I don't know if it was a fault in my learning or a result of my depression (or both), but I really didn't give myself much credit before. I'm not saying I don't have bad days--I do--but I learned more about the light inside me, and I am so thankful for that. I learned to be lighter, too. To take mistakes and messes and tough days and miscommunications gently, to pause before I react. It was a nice word to focus on.

This year's was much easier to come up with:

e n g a g e

I've been reading a lot about how we use the internet and technology to avoid engaging with things that make us think or feel deeply. I think that is true for me. I spend a lot of time letting myself drift through that vacuum on the pretense of doing something useful, instead of reading the scriptures or making art or getting down on the floor to play with my kids. So this year is going to be about engaging in my life, rather than just getting through it. I know there will still be days when I want badly to shut down, and some days when I won't have the energy to supermom-it through a half hour of pretend, but I want to try. I'm going to make things with my hands and learn more about food and health, and make changes and just be loving and useful. I've got some goals lined up along these lines, I'm just working out my mini-goals so I can actually do them. :)

Does anybody else have a word or a focus for the year? I'd love to hear (read) it if you do. :)