one little word: 2015

I ended last year feeling a little shaky. Not all in bad ways, either, though I was having a some (metaphorical) growing pains that shook my faith up a bit. That happens from time to time. I guess the best way I can describe it is to say that I felt like I was teetering at the edge of a precipice, unwilling to step backward (because I'm all about progress) and too frightened to step forward. In the back of my mind I knew there were good things ahead. I knew I had prepared many supports and safeties in the past, and that Heavenly Father had been preparing me for even greater growth all last year as I worked hard on bringing my life into harmony with the things that are most important to me. But the moving forward still felt... just hard.

I toyed with a few ideas for my word this year. I thought about continuing with

s i m p l i f y

since I only switched over to that word partway through last year. But at the end of the day, my problem is not typically a lack of activity or a lack of motivation, but my inability to relinquish control. So while my word for this year might seem a little passive, it is actually going to be the most challenging one I have chosen so far:

t r u s t

Just trust.

That's it.

I'm not making goals within goals, or baby steps, or planning to track on the blog or anywhere else but in my own heart. When faced with a deliberation or a choice--Should I hang this picture here even though I have an irrational fear of making holes in the wall? Should I intervene or reach out to someone or is my place in their life to serve in some other way? How should I spend this lonely evening while Steve is at work? Should I get to work on something new or be still, let go, and rest?. When these questions and others like them come, and I feel the anxiety of wondering if I'll "get it wrong" I'm going to pause and turn inward. I'll consult myself and consult my Father in Heaven. And then I'm going to try to take a deep breath and trust those answers.

I've been looking for some answers for several months now, waiting impatiently and letting small doubts worry away at my heart. And it was really tough to wade through that sadness and uncertainty and simply choose, again and again, to trust. To wait. I don't have all the answers now (clearly!) but I have some more.

This word feels good. It feels loving and carefully selected. It feels like mine and it sits well in my soul.

Have you chosen a word for 2015? I'd love to hear about it!