Charlie's Goin' Green

Much news coverage is spent on the politics of the environment, and how money should be spent on protecting our beautiful, God-given planet.

Being responsible parents in this 21st century, we have decided to do our part.

In order to do so, we had a new baby that would start a new generation of earth-saving children. Today, we took Charlie to the doctor's office to reaffirm that we have given birth to a baby that will make the Chevy Volt look like a monstrous environmental atrocity.

Last Sunday (8 days ago, mind you), Charlie decided that he was so excited to see me, that he literally couldn't control himself. He abandoned rectal tone of any kind. This story normally would seem sad... but then again, it was the last time he has pooped. In 8 days.

Most parents would be worried. But of course, not us. Not with our little windmill of a child. Just to double-check, we took the baby to the doctor. After some poking and prodding, the doctor concluded that the baby had no backup of stool, constipation, or abnormality of any kind.

The only possible conclusion: Our baby makes no waste. He uses all the energy that he ingests, and he excretes only urine, or methane (a lot of it), both of which could probably be used for other energy sources had we the equipment.

So, let us all learn a lesson from Charlie. Let us stop wasting precious calories and nutrients that require paper and water to dispose of. Let us all be a little responsible, and try not to go "number two" any more than we need to, if at all.

PLEASE NOTE: The author is stating his opinion, which is most certainly flawed. He is not a medical professional, and his advice should be followed with caution. Heck, even when he IS a medical professional... be careful.